May 19, 2024

Ah, Commencement. The caps, the gowns, the pomp and circumstance; it truly is a magical time of year for Wittenberg’s campus. As families flood into Springfield and seniors come to terms with the end of their stint at four-year summer camp, campus will undoubtedly become a frenzied and hectic place. Use the following tips and info to stay ahead of the game as you look forward to watching as the seniors are ceremoniously cast out into the real world.
Commencement is going to be held on May 17 with the festivities starting promptly at 11:30 a.m. This means, that if you want a seat, you should probably get there considerably earlier. Think about it, there are over around 400 graduating seniors, most of whom have family coming in from across the country. Graduating college, after all, is a momentous occasion. Unlike you, most of these family members will not have spent the night before at McMurray’s boozing away, riding the coattails of a senior class eager to take advantage of the last vestiges of their college experience. Also unlike you, they will put a substantial priority upon arriving early to get the good seats. If sitting on grass for a few hours is an appalling notion, I suggest you rise around 9 a.m., brush away your beer-breath, and get yourself over to commencement hollow as soon as you can.
Accurately predicting the weather on half a month away would be a meteorological feat of wonder. So its best to prepare for anything, especially considering how often winter seemed to poke its head into the fairer season of spring earlier this year. Even though the sun has been singing and all omens point to good weather being here to stay, it is advisable not to pack away sweatshirts and rain jackets just yet.
Alternatively, if the 17 is a beautiful day, consider bringing a towel with you to sit on. Those of you with commencement experience can attest that the sun-baked leather chairs placed in the hollow for those in attendance are just about the most sweat-inducing furniture created by man. If you don’t particularly enjoy the sensation of perspiration dripping down your thighs, it might be in your best interest to sit elsewhere. Having other commencement goers noticing moist stains on your pants caused by rampant booty-sweat would be awfully embarrassing.
This year, gold medalist and journalist Donna De Varona will be the guest speaker, hopefully bestowing the graduating class with enough wisdom and hope about the real world that they forget about the fact that their best years are behind them. Keep in mind that although she is the top-billed speaker, others will be talking so have your listening-muscles tuned up.
It’s been real Witt. Seniors have a lot to lament in leaving this four-year summer camp of a university.

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